Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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