Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
