He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
