If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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