Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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