I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
