just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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