come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
