Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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