I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
