a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize