When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
