My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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