I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
