Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
