Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
