Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Two words: blizzard sex
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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