OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize