why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
