if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
