WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
