Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize