what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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