dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
