I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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