Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
