Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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