i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
