i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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