my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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