I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
