I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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