how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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