I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
