what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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