How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
