it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize