he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
