Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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