i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
