He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
