well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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