Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
