Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
