maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
