so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
