I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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