i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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