It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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