Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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