Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
