I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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