did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This baby is an asshole
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
