is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
