How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
