dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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