I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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