Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When are your genitals available?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize