you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
