Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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