I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
