Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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