I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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