I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
