i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
