i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
