its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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