you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
