Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
