My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
