Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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