And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
