my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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