matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
